Outta Commission

Gimpy McGee
December 2005-February 2006

On December 1st, our TEAM Captain got naked and reunited with Dr. Paul S. Cooper (orthopedic surgeon, hero, and heartthrob). With romantic tunes like the Black Eyed Peas "Let's Get Retarded" playing in the background, Coops amputated our TEAM Captain's gimpy ankle and replaced it with "Freddie," the cadaver ankle.

Learn more about the surgery here
Watch a short video clip of a similar procedure

Freddie is a little shy and is currently suffering from a bit of a sexual identity crisis, but he's really excited to meet you all. So please, drop by the TEAM HDQTRS, bring the TEAM Captain food, do her laundry, massage her deeply, and give our newest team member a grand 'ol TEAM*JESS welcome while you're at it.

Warning: Freddie was an ultimate power ninja in his former life. The TEAM Captain takes no responsibility for Freddie TOTALLY FLIPPING OUT or chopping off your head or kicking your dog in the nuts. Prepare yourself for a pants-crapping.

Out Like a Lion
Friday, March 31st | 9PM | TEAM HDQTRS

We must make up for lost time. Birthdays need to be celebrated, interpretive ankle dances have got to be performed, and additional spring-related trouble must be made. BONUS: If you show up with five bucks, Catron will make it worth your while.

Nats vs. Orioles
Saturday, May 20th | 7:05PM | RFK Stadium

Crack-Crack-CrackityAss-Cracker Jacks. $6. Snaus-Snaus-Snauserific-Snausages. $7.50. Ice cold beer here. Beer here. Beer here. $8. It's a bargain TEAM*JESS event. Bring your kids. And your steroids.

Possible pre-game grilling and beering at DC Dan's. Stay tuned. In the meantime, let the TEAM Captain know you're interested 'cuz she might be able to score a group rate. And a shout out on the Jumbotron.

Promos for the Homos
Sunday, June 11th | 12:00PM | Downtown

June 10-11 is Pride Weekend in DC. And what better way to celebrate than with salami and tuna salad. Or even better, walking down the streets of Dupont Circle adorned in "I'm Shy, So Ask Me Out" tank tops, handing out promos for the TEAM Captain's best boyfriend, Patrick.

Why Yous All Up in My Grill?
Saturday, July 29th | 5:30 PM | DC Dan's

Cuz me and my crew are cravin' da bacon, brutha dawg. Bring your own chops, dawgs, and slabs. And a 40 to swig down the meat. Buns and slaw will be provided. And by slaw I don't literally mean cole slaw. I just wanted to say slaw. Gotta luv da slaw.

You bedder be der fool. Cuz if you keep pullin da diss I be havin to lay out yo dome fo' you be getting freagin hizzigh in da low mofo.

Rimmmzzzzz.

Beerfest: The Movie
Friday, August 25th | Time TBA | Regal Gallery Place

Come on, do I really need to explain why we're going to this?

Gone Fishin'
Lake Willie | Between Hutch & Litch

I'm a master caster. And I'm going to catch myself a delicious bass.

Schlütertoberfest
Samstag.7.Oktober | 7 Uhr | DC Dan's

Feiern wir unsere Deutsche Erbschaft! Essen wir Bratwürst mit Kraut, Kartoffelsalat, Apfelstrudel und (natürlich) trinken wir leckeres Bier! Zicke, zacke, zicke, zacke, hoi, hoi, hoi!

Fotos von 2005