Friday, 27th

Tiber Island Tropical Extravaganza
6 PM | Tiber Island (McKinstry's Place)

Event postponed due to butt virus. Please stay tuned.

Thursday, 11th

Starsky & Hutch: The TEAM*JESS Premiere
7:10 PM | AMC Courthouse

Sure, Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are pretty damn cool, but we all know the real star of the show is Snoop D-O-double-G. Fo' schnizzle. 9-5-and 4 pennies. Add that shit up.

Thursday, 25th

Around the World in 7 Beers
6:30 PM | Brickskeller

None other than the first-born brother of TEAM*JESS is coming to DC all the way from MN to gather intelligence for the subversive TEAM*JOSH revolution. Watch your backs.

View Pictures from the Event!

Thursday, 8th

Annihilation of the Butt Virus: The Return of Tiber Island
6 PM | Tiber Island (McKinstry's)

Tropical drinks, hula skirts, and an enactment of "Blue Hawaii" starring Your Mom and her frisky ukelele.

Two featured drinks: Blue Lagoons and Pina Coladas. (Bring your own beer if you can't handle the fruit.)

Download Directions (PDF)

View Pictures from the Event!

Thursday, 29th

No Longer a Virgin...ian
6:30 PM | Siné's/Champps

Celebrate Jess's final 3 days of being a Virgin..ian. Yep, our hero is ready to shed her saintly, suburban skin in preparation for her move to the dirty district.

Speaking of which, any of you young strapping lads or ladies up for some heavy lifting that will be rewarded with pizza and beer on May 1st?

Thursday, 27th

Girls Gone Wild Weekend: Welcome VanOverbeke
9 PM, 10:30 PM VanOverbeke Arrival | Siné's

Kelly VanOverbeke, favorite friend of the Team Captain, is shakin' her little hot ass all the way from Chicago to DC to celebrate Girls Gone Wild Weekend (GGWW) with some debauchery, devil's water, and gratuitous nudity. Help us kick off the weekend.

Friday, 28th

Girls Gone Wild Weekend:
Hard-core Rock Out
8 PM Doors | 9:30 Club

The Girls will continue to go wild to the tune of hard-core rock courtesy of Andrew W.K., The Locust, Fireball Ministry, and No Motiv. Party Hard. Buy tickets now.

If you are too much of a pansy-ass to ROCK (hard), meet us post-show for a couple drinks. Place TBA.

Thursday, 17th

6 Month Anniversary
6 PM | Capitol Lounge

Celebrate the 6 month anniversary of TEAM*JESS at the place where it all got started. Attendance mandatory. Gift registry online.

Thursday, 24th

Napoleon Dynamite
7:20 PM | Lowes, Dupont Circle

Let the trailer speak for itself.

Friday, 9th

Blithe Spirit Reunion Tour?!
6:30 PM | Jess's Place, then some bar/music venue

Relive 1994 with the JKFK. Grow out your 90210 Jason Priestly sideburns, chase OJ as he speeds away in a white Ford bronco, and Smell Like Teen Spirit. Special appearances by the HHS '94 cast: Edith the maid, Charles the protagonist, and Elvira the mean-spirited dead wife.

Thursday, 29th

P. Diddy: The Saga Continues...
6:00 PM | Capitol City Brewing Company (Union Station)

Not just another Bad Boy 4 Life. P.Diddy, another thug originating from the notorious 'hood of Hutchinson, MN, will dominate the East Coast this weekend. So forget Ashton, donn your Sean Johns, and leave your West Coast bias behind. We ain't got time for that Gangsta Shit.

Wednesday, 25th

Tuckered Out of the Hizzouse
6 PM | Capitol City Brewing Company (Union Station)

Loyal TEAM member Chris Tucker is leaving the Hizzouse. He's moving onto bigger (and better?) things at the left-winged Heritage Foundation. Tucker will serve as a champion of free love, butt sex, and tofu. Frickin' bleeding heart liberal.

It's just not
gonna happen.

Saturday, 4th

Cheese Curds and A Hot Sausage: A Pigrimage Home
9:00 PM | Kitty Kat Klub (Mpls, MN)

Our beloved TEAM Captain will make a rare appearance in the Land of 10,000 Lakes to appease local fans and admirers. Autographs 9-9:30 PM. Audio and video recording devices strictly prohibited...Unless it gets real dirty.

Thursday, 23rd

28 Days, 6 Hours, 42 Minutes, 12 Seconds
9:30 PM | Visions -- Donnie Darko

Jake Gyllenhaal. Uncut. Need I say more? Ok, one quote, "Do you want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey." If you're interested in a pre-drink at Bar Noir, let me know.

Sunday, 10th

Schluetertoberfest
5:00 PM | Galletta's House

Feiern wir unsere Deutsche Erbschaft! Essen wir Bratwürst mit Kraut, Reubens, Kartoffelsalat, Apfelstrudel und (natürlich) trinken wir leckeres Bier! Zicke, zacke, zicke, zacke, hoi, hoi, hoi! Prosit!

Download Official Invite

View Pictures from the Event!

Wednesday, 27th

GO RED SOX!
8:00 PM | The Pour House

Speak nothing of 1918, bambinos, ridiculous curses, nor all that should have been. Instead just watch Game 4 with a hopeful gaze and beer in hand. The TEAM takes no responsibility for Freise's behavior.

Wednesday, 10th

International TEAM Holiday
6:00 PM | Hawk & Dove

You'll do a lot of important things in November: Vote, move to Canada (as a result of said vote), and eat flightless birds. But, the most important thing you can do is celebrate the birthday of our illustrious TEAM Captain (she turns 28 on the 8th). Flattery and gifts are encouraged, as usual.

Tuesday, 30th

Chelle Meat 'n Greet
8:00 PM | Capitol Lounge (10-cent Wing night)

Chelle Robinson, cherished childhood friend of the TEAM Captain is moving to DC! In addition to joining the local TEAM chapter, Chelle will have the pleasure of shacking up with the TEAM Captain. Be jealous. And join us for some meat so we can greet her appropriately.

Saturday, 18th

TEAM Holiday Party
8:00 PM | TEAM Headquarters

This event is going to be soooo big that it's a 2-star, yes 2-STAR event! The TEAM Captain has all sorts of surprises in store for official members. No Waterboy, this does not involve yobbers. But it does involve you, angel wings, and a v-string.

TEAM Holiday Party Schedule

8:00 PM | Social hour with cocktail wienies and other fine Cost-Co inspired delicacies

9:00 PM | Surprises Galore

10:00 PM | Depart HDQTRS. Head to BARS. Bring duct tape.