TEAM * JESS

Our illustrustrious TEAM Captain is pleased to introduce the elite of the elite, the cream of the frickin' crop, the sloppiest ass-kissers of the bunch, the TEAM*JESS All-Star Playas. Hall of Famers should be shown the utmost respect and reverence. Do not stop short of getting down upon your knees, bowing fervently with arms overhead, and kissing the feet of these distinguished members. Of course, save your best hero-worship maneuvers for the TEAM Captain.


	Name: Josh Schlueter Location: St. Louis Park, MN Member Since: January, 2004 Induction Date: March, 2004 TEAMJESS is one of the worst clubs ever. What kind of self-centered ego maniac would have the audacity to name a club after themselves? I'll tell you who. Jess. She's also the one who comes up with these lame events. Like ' Cock-A-Doodle-Sushi' and ' Pou íne to apohoritírio?' What the hell is that? I don't even speak Spanish. In order to combat this horrid club I have created TEAMJOSH, the anti-social club. If you don't like it ...


	Name: Jonathan Keller Location: Pittsburgh, PA Member Since: January, 2004 Induction Date: July, 2004 17 years ago a young Jonathan Keller is beaten by two girls because of his sex. He briefly sees Jessica Schlueter's face in a puddle of water, before it vanishes. In the present, Keller leads a sexist faction, TEAMJ.E.S.S. (Jonathan's Emancipation from Sexy Schlueter), who attend parties in Washington DC, disguised as members of Schlueter's elite social club TEAMJESS. They plan to take America back from the women and the trannies and anyone else they don't see as pure hetero males. Meanwhile, Jessica plans to recruit Keller and his fanatics to her own cause, creating a national holiday celebrating female/shemale gaming and figurine painting, entitled DAY*JESS. However, Keller is ready for her, and has a trap waiting - vodka and shot glass - and will once again have her kneeling beside cold porcelain, seeing his face reflecting off the toilet water.


	Name: Patrick Perrine Location: San Diego, CA Member Since: January, 2004 Induction Date: July, 2004 TEAMJESS has meant the beginning of a new world to me. Living on the west side doesn't afford me the opportunity to regularly participate in TEAMJESS sponsored events, but the invitation alone has provided me with a sense of acceptance, of new beginnings, of love in the world again.


	Name: Peter Galletta Location: Richmond, VA Member Since: January, 2004 Induction Date: October, 2004 Women often find my wiener adorable --cute, like a little mouse. I can make it talk. Sorta like a hand puppet.


	Name: Sam Boone-Lutz Location: Washington, DC Member Since: January, 2004 Induction Date: October, 2004 TEAM*JESS totally hooked me up with a hot new girlfriend, and unlike some other social clubs I could mention, she was free!


	Name: Karen McKinstry Location: Washington, DC Member Since: January, 2004 Induction Date: January, 2005 Special Designations:TEAM Statistician TEAMJESS came into my life at a time when drinking and socializing had no meaning, and I had never heard of "tater tot hot dish". But since I've been with the TEAMJESS program I feel empowered and confident. I strongly recommend the TEAM*JESS inspirational tapes and live DVD.


	Name: DC Dan Location: Washington, DC Member Since: December, 2004 Induction Date: October, 2005 Special Designations: Key Buddy, Non-Gay, Platonic Boyfriend Suck it.


	Name: Mandy Catron Location: Washington, DC Member Since: January, 2005 Induction Date: March, 2006 Before I joined Team*JESS, I was desperate for attention, but I didn't know how to get it. Thankfully Jess took me under her wing, teaching me that a little totally hot girl-on-girl action is all it takes to have your photo popping up all over the internet.


	Name: Leah Daniels Location: Washington, DC Member Since: May, 2005 Induction Date: March, 2006 Special Designations: TEAM Example Leah's statement TBS.

. . . and then we're going to Washington, DC to take back the White House . . . Yeeeaaaah!!!!

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